I have no doubt that I will be able to come out of this situation with at least some of my sanity still in tact - but Im concerned that the CHILD (and future ADULT) comes out of this sane and prepared for a successful future.
So this began my research on "raising adept children" and being a "good" mom (i hate that term) ... I went to where every reasonable adult goes to when theyre in search of answers; the WORLD WIDE WEB ... more specifically google. ;)
In my search I found lots of mumbo jumbo and all in all I liked what this lady said ... shes a mom and I liked her advice - straightforward and simple enough to get me thru the first year or so. ;)
here goes (slightly paraphrased);
1. Let dad parent--- unless he is risking your child's life, of course. Mismatched clothing, a slightly crooked diaper etc is not the end of the world. If you let dad help and gain confidence then life will be much easier when you are ready to rejoin the world of the living. Just trust me--it might be hard at first but try to never judge, talk down or try to be controlling in this area.
2. Set boundaries--this is huge. Do not feel guilty if you need to tell someone you are not up for a visit. Just because they are helpful, the grandma, the who ever --- bottom line; you need your alone time with baby or you need to sleep. but Be kind when you do it.
3. Ask for help. While we are all super women and super moms---we can't and should not do it alone. When people offer help--take them up on you. You are a MUCH, MUCH better mommy when you are not stressed out. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for a little help.
4. Do not compare your child to others!! They all grow at different rates and come senior year in high school--I promise that you will not know that little Jane crawled at 6 months or 10 months. And no---you child doing stuff early is not a sign of anything--they just were wired to progress at that age :)
5. Advice of others---listen to your gut. I use to always quote books and the best remark I ever heard was my dear sister who said "Who the hell are they and how do THEY know what is best for your child". Remember to find a pedi that is a partner in child's health and educate yourself to make the best decision for you and your child. Book and advice are not specific enough for you and your family and should be viewed as suggestions.
6. Support System--we all get a little blue and we all get a little stir crazy. Look around now and find who your core people are and what you can count on them for and talk to them about it. You will have days you are blue and days you just need some company---make sure you have that list handy.
7. The BEST toy/game whatever you can give your child is TIME and LOVE. Spending time with them and talking (in a normal voice) will help them advance so much better than anything on the store shelves. Not to mention your baby loves your voice--they have heard it in the womb so for so long. My dd use to smile and giggle as I explain cleaning the house and making dinner---it felt weird at first to talk to myself but then I realize how intently she would listen to me.
8. Depression--PPD is real and nothing to be ashamed of. It does not make you a bad mom, bad wife, bad anything--it is hormonal and if you suspect you have. Get help.
9. Mommy Wars---be prepared that whatever parenting decision you make breastfeeding/formula, SAHM/WOHM, Cloth Diaper/Disposable, Vaccinate/Non or delayed---all our parenting styles will some how piss off, offend or otherwise make others feel like they need to be on the defense. Be aware and try to be aware of this so when you are talking to other moms you are not sounding judgemental. We all need to treat each other with sensitivity because regardless of the way we raise our children--we are still going to go through the same mental and emotional struggles.
10. Date Nights--you have a baby and that is great but do not neglect your marriage. Your marriage has to come before children which is hard in the beginning but don't let that relationship falter and say "the baby needs me",
11. Final bit---get your baby out quickly and often and do not be afraid to leave them for an hour here or there. The more you get your child use to you leaving but always coming back--the easier it will be and more the child will socialize. I know that many people disagree but that advice was given and taken by me and has proven invaluable.
Okay--last one :) Children are a gift and they are someone special that your have been entrusted to raise, love and cherish. So do that but at the same time--don't stop living--yes, you can go on vacation, go shopping, go everything---it is a little harder but well worth it.
2. Set boundaries--this is huge. Do not feel guilty if you need to tell someone you are not up for a visit. Just because they are helpful, the grandma, the who ever --- bottom line; you need your alone time with baby or you need to sleep. but Be kind when you do it.
3. Ask for help. While we are all super women and super moms---we can't and should not do it alone. When people offer help--take them up on you. You are a MUCH, MUCH better mommy when you are not stressed out. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for a little help.
4. Do not compare your child to others!! They all grow at different rates and come senior year in high school--I promise that you will not know that little Jane crawled at 6 months or 10 months. And no---you child doing stuff early is not a sign of anything--they just were wired to progress at that age :)
5. Advice of others---listen to your gut. I use to always quote books and the best remark I ever heard was my dear sister who said "Who the hell are they and how do THEY know what is best for your child". Remember to find a pedi that is a partner in child's health and educate yourself to make the best decision for you and your child. Book and advice are not specific enough for you and your family and should be viewed as suggestions.
6. Support System--we all get a little blue and we all get a little stir crazy. Look around now and find who your core people are and what you can count on them for and talk to them about it. You will have days you are blue and days you just need some company---make sure you have that list handy.
7. The BEST toy/game whatever you can give your child is TIME and LOVE. Spending time with them and talking (in a normal voice) will help them advance so much better than anything on the store shelves. Not to mention your baby loves your voice--they have heard it in the womb so for so long. My dd use to smile and giggle as I explain cleaning the house and making dinner---it felt weird at first to talk to myself but then I realize how intently she would listen to me.
8. Depression--PPD is real and nothing to be ashamed of. It does not make you a bad mom, bad wife, bad anything--it is hormonal and if you suspect you have. Get help.
9. Mommy Wars---be prepared that whatever parenting decision you make breastfeeding/formula, SAHM/WOHM, Cloth Diaper/Disposable, Vaccinate/Non or delayed---all our parenting styles will some how piss off, offend or otherwise make others feel like they need to be on the defense. Be aware and try to be aware of this so when you are talking to other moms you are not sounding judgemental. We all need to treat each other with sensitivity because regardless of the way we raise our children--we are still going to go through the same mental and emotional struggles.
10. Date Nights--you have a baby and that is great but do not neglect your marriage. Your marriage has to come before children which is hard in the beginning but don't let that relationship falter and say "the baby needs me",
11. Final bit---get your baby out quickly and often and do not be afraid to leave them for an hour here or there. The more you get your child use to you leaving but always coming back--the easier it will be and more the child will socialize. I know that many people disagree but that advice was given and taken by me and has proven invaluable.
Okay--last one :) Children are a gift and they are someone special that your have been entrusted to raise, love and cherish. So do that but at the same time--don't stop living--yes, you can go on vacation, go shopping, go everything---it is a little harder but well worth it.
1 comment:
hello - are you working???
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