Yesterday my sister-in-law said something that I think is so important to remember. Being the mother of 3 she said, "Each child is so different, what works for one doesn't always work for the next." She explained how each baby was entirely different when it came to soothing them.
While I only have one so far, I have seen this to be true - we are all unique individuals from day one so I suppose this seems awfully rudimentary. Some babies love swaddling, others dont, some breastfeed well, some dont, some mothers dont want to breastfeed at all, some babies are more vocal than others, blah blah blah - the list goes on and on and on. And no two babies share the same unique combination of likes & dislikes - not even siblings as my sister-in-law pointed out.
Having said this, Ive noticed pregnancy and new babies tend to elicit endless parenting advice.The advice comes from family members, friends, strangers, parents and even those who have never parented at all. Sometimes requested, most often not. Personally I love hearing about what worked for others and the challenges they faced as a Parent (or aunt/uncle, babysitter/nanny, etc etc).
What I dont understand is when a person believes #1; you definitely need their advice and #2; that their advice WILL work and solve your dilemma (wether you knew you had a dilemma or not). Or, Better yet, they believe it is the holy grail of parenting. Rarely does anyone know a child as intimately as a parent does. Why do people invest so much in their advice that they believe it to be a solution for all? Why judge another mom for the fact that it simply didnt work for them or their child?
Instead of swapping possible solutions - moms become these know-it-all, judgmental, mud slinging, sleep deprived scary people, no??? My solution? I plan on navigating through and basking in the times when I find something that DOES work for me or my child. Dont get me wrong - Advice is good - judgments made based on taking or not taking the advice; BAAAAD.
While I only have one so far, I have seen this to be true - we are all unique individuals from day one so I suppose this seems awfully rudimentary. Some babies love swaddling, others dont, some breastfeed well, some dont, some mothers dont want to breastfeed at all, some babies are more vocal than others, blah blah blah - the list goes on and on and on. And no two babies share the same unique combination of likes & dislikes - not even siblings as my sister-in-law pointed out.
Having said this, Ive noticed pregnancy and new babies tend to elicit endless parenting advice.The advice comes from family members, friends, strangers, parents and even those who have never parented at all. Sometimes requested, most often not. Personally I love hearing about what worked for others and the challenges they faced as a Parent (or aunt/uncle, babysitter/nanny, etc etc).
What I dont understand is when a person believes #1; you definitely need their advice and #2; that their advice WILL work and solve your dilemma (wether you knew you had a dilemma or not). Or, Better yet, they believe it is the holy grail of parenting. Rarely does anyone know a child as intimately as a parent does. Why do people invest so much in their advice that they believe it to be a solution for all? Why judge another mom for the fact that it simply didnt work for them or their child?
Instead of swapping possible solutions - moms become these know-it-all, judgmental, mud slinging, sleep deprived scary people, no??? My solution? I plan on navigating through and basking in the times when I find something that DOES work for me or my child. Dont get me wrong - Advice is good - judgments made based on taking or not taking the advice; BAAAAD.
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However ... On a sweeter note - I also had a stranger approach K & I yesterday and say "Looks like youre going to be a big sister!? Is it a little brother? or a little sister??" K answered her and told her that it would be a little sister - the lady replied by telling us "I waited 10 years for my little sister and it was the best day of my life!" She was incredibly sweet and proceeded to tell us all about how her mother had to pry that baby away from her and that her sister is still one of her dearest friends. I wanted to cry right then & there but resisted for fear of embarrassing my daughter. I can only hope that my girls will love & appreciate one another in this way - it is truly among the greatest of blessings to have a sibling.
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and FYI - I'm NINE months on Friday!!!!!!!!!
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