I had just moved away to college at the age of 18 when I found out I was pregnant. I had only been there 3 short weeks. At that point in my life I had only an idea of what I wanted for my life. I had barely declared a major. I was three weeks moved out of my parents house. Three weeks.
I told a few select people about my circumstances and of course, got a whole realm of responses - everything from "you can do this", to "think long & hard" ... to just a few "shushmortion" responses. Ultimately I chose what I knew was right for me. There was no 'sweeping it under the rug' - this was real and it was here and it was happening. I was 18, unwed and pregnant. Pregnant. I had no idea how much my life would change from that very moment.
I found a letter today that I had written not long after finding out. It was gut-wrenching to read and brought back the wave of emotions that I felt at that time. The letter was to God - a prayer. I prayed that I would "have the strength to stay positive and grateful for my blessings, even when things got rough." I asked that God "comforted my parents when they first learn about the baby." I even prayed that my dad was not "mad". I prayed that I would one day obtain my Bachelors degree and teach my child to reach for his or her own dreams no matter how challenging. I remember so clearly the day I wrote the note and the struggle I felt after learning I was to soon become a mom. unwed, unprepared, unconventionally pregnant.
This was 10 years ago.
Its been a long road trying to learn & grow all while raising Kalina. Navigating my way while trying to do right by her has been challenging, to say the least. Ive done so many things wrong. Reading that letter made me realize Ive also done some things right too. Ive even accomplished some goals that I set. At this point in my life I just became a mom for the 2nd time around and from the entire opposite end of the spectrum. This time I am able to slow down, take it all in, share the burden & celebrate the joys of this new baby with my Husband and Daughter. I feel much better equipped this time around. I doubt I would appreciate my life as much as I do now had I not been down the path I chose at a ripe age of 18. I wouldn't be as confident, as patient or as appreciative. That, I can be certain of.
So on this Mothers Day I am so incredibly thankful that I'm able to be a mom. Some mothers struggle with being defined as just a 'mom' - but I feel like I wouldnt even be half as great, not even a third as cool, as I am, without my girls. They make my heart swell infinitely.
